Objective: Learn effective strategies to reduce frustration and improve connection.

Lesson 4: How to Communicate with Someone Who Has Dementia

The ‘Validation Method’ for Stress-Free Conversations

Instead of correcting or arguing, you enter their reality, acknowledge their feelings, and respond with empathy.

Example Scenario:
Your loved one insists that their mother is still alive—even though she passed away years ago. Your instinct might be to correct them, saying, “Mom died 20 years ago, don’t you remember?” But that only leads to confusion, sadness, or agitation.

Example of What NOT to Do:

• Loved One: I need to call my mother. She’ll be wondering where I am.
• You: Mom died years ago. You know that, right?
• Result: Your loved one feels upset, confused, or distraught.

Example of the Validation Method:

• Loved One: I need to call my mother. She’ll be wondering where I am.
• You: You really miss her. Tell me about your mom—what was she like?
• Result: Instead of triggering sadness, you create connection by engaging in a comforting conversation.

How to Handle Repetition Without Losing Your Patience

One of the most common and frustrating challenges for caregivers is dealing with repetitive questions and stories. Your loved one might ask, “What time is my doctor’s appointment?” for the tenth time in an hour or repeatedly tell the same story from their childhood. Understanding why this happens and how to respond can make a huge difference.

Why People with Dementia Repeat Themselves:

• Dementia affects short-term memory first. Your loved one may forget what they just said or asked but still retain the emotional need behind it.
• If they keep asking, “Where’s my purse?” it’s not just about the purse—it might be about feeling safe, secure, or in control.

What NOT to Do:

• Don’t say, “I already told you that.” This can make them feel embarrassed or agitated.
• Don’t get frustrated or ignore them. They aren’t repeating things on purpose—it’s a symptom of their condition.
• Don’t try to force them to remember. Their brain is struggling to retain new information.

What TO Do Instead:

• Stay calm and answer as if it’s the first time. (“Your doctor’s appointment is at 2 PM.”)
• Acknowledge their feelings. (“I know you want to be ready for your appointment. We’ll leave at 1:30, and I’ll be right here with you.”)
• Use written reminders. Place sticky notes or a whiteboard in visible areas with answers to common questions.
• Redirect their attention. Engage them in a different activity. (“I’ll remind you about your appointment, but for now, let’s have some tea together.”)

Caregiver Trick:

• Respond with a different tone or slight variation each time they ask:
  “Your appointment is at 2 PM.”
  “We’ll leave for your appointment at 1:30.”
  “Yes, your doctor is expecting you at 2 PM. Would you like a snack before we go?”
• This keeps interactions natural, reduces frustration, and reassures them.

Non-Verbal Communication Strategies for Dementia Care

Key Insight: Only 7% of communication is verbal. The other 93% is tone, body language, and facial expressions. For someone with dementia, non-verbal communication becomes the key to connection.

Why Non-Verbal Communication Matters:

• Dementia makes verbal communication harder. Your loved one may:
  Struggle to find words or form sentences
  Misunderstand what you’re saying
  Get frustrated when they can’t express themselves
• Non-verbal cues become their primary way of understanding and responding.

FIVE Essential Non-Verbal Communication Strategies

1. Smile First, Speak Second
   Do this: Approach with a smile and open body language before speaking.
   Avoid this: Rushing in with a stressed or frustrated face.
2. Use a Gentle Reassuring Touch
   Do this: Hold their hand, rub their back, or place your hand gently on theirs if they seem scared or confused.
   Avoid this: Grabbing, pulling, or forcing movement.
   Pro Tip: If they don’t like touch, mirror their posture gently.
3. Maintain Eye Contact & Stay at Their Level
   Do this: Kneel or sit at their eye level while speaking, maintain gentle eye contact.
   Avoid this: Looking at your phone, multitasking, or standing over them.
4. Match Their Energy & Tone
   Do this: Enter interactions with a peaceful presence—speak softly, move slowly, and be patient.
   Avoid this: Speaking too loudly or too fast.
   Pro Tip: If they are agitated, breathe slowly and speak in a soothing, rhythmic tone.
5. Use Visual Cues to Reinforce Words
   Do this: Show instructions visually—point to a chair to sit or show the food at mealtime.
   Avoid this: Relying only on words.
   Pro Tip: Use facial expressions to reinforce emotions.

Action Steps

1. In your next interaction, use the Validation Method instead of correcting or arguing. Observe if the conversation feels calmer and your loved one seems more at ease. Over time, this can create a more peaceful caregiving experience.
2. The next time your loved one repeats a question, pause, take a deep breath, and choose one of the recommended techniques. Track which approach reduces anxiety and improves interaction.

©2025 Angelic Touch Health & Wellness, LLC